Straining for the Finish Line!

Of course it had to happen! My computer had to conk out just as my Last WorkWeek is starting.  Bleech. What's worse is that, basically, I am scared of computers and all its attendant responsibilities, including the computer guy I just called to fix my laptop.  How do I describe my problem?  That I hear weird little whirring noises while I stare at kittens on Cute Overload?  That it takes 6 hours for my computer to shut down?  That I'm even suspicious of all those creepy Adobe updates?  (Who is Adobe and what does it want?) 

So what's left?  Well, there's that dreaded Exit Interview.  The Human Resources lady said she would give me the questions ahead of time, but I haven't heard from her in 2 weeks.  I guess she's too busy with our Soon-To-be Ex Director's More Important Paperwork and Ridiculously Large Alimony.  In my next life, I will try to come back as a Library Director who still manages to negotiate for ungodly sums of *separation* money despite doing a lousy job.  It's a Good Thing.

"Will you be home with me all the time now, Mommy?"

 

                                                

The Christmas Push & Other Things

Now that I am on the Fiscal Cliff of Retirement, I should really watch the money, right?  Errrr ... no.  Christmas is only 40 days away, so I am shopping my brains off now, ONLINE, while I still have that "regular" salary.  So what's a *frugal* present?  Well, I find that new DVDs (purchased inexpensively on Ebay) fill the niche quite nicely.  They're not too cheesy and they're better than those suspicious Christmas tins filled with ancient popcorn & salt encrusted macadamias.  So, for lively family fun, I chose APOLLO 18 (monstrous alien gravel, OMG!), REAL STEEL (robots & scrumptious Hugh Jackman, nuff said) and RISE OF PLANET OF THE APES.  The oldtimers with more delicate sensibilities will get EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL or the Winona Ryder weepie LITTLE WOMEN (yes, I actually have relatives who haven't been to the cinema since 1982).  I had thought of gifting some lucky friend with the Renaissance papal potboiler THE BORGIAS, but all those heaving 15th century buttocks punctuated with cries of "But your mitre is so huge, my lord!" might give someone a heart attack.

Meanwhile, on AMAZON, I notice that my shopping cart grows ever longer, rather like those vajazzled codpieces on THE BORGIAS.  I wish someone would give me the EPSON WorkForce 845 Wireless All-In-One Color Inkjet Printer Scanner Copier Crushed Ice Dispenser/Bundt Case Mixer, but it's a bit dear ($144.75 Amazon Prime) even for a retirement prezzie.  Instead, the library will award me with one of those book-shaped acrylic plaques which honor my *service* and bedamned to you!  Heh.  I won't tell you exactly where I'm going to put the thing, but I will be able to look upon it & reflect on my glorious career while I rinse my frilly delicates.  To be fair, the nice HR lady did offer me a party, but I refused, because most *in-house* retirement parties are embarrassing to the retiree, and much of the staff just stand around, whispering like awkward teenagers.  "Who is she?" they mumble.  "I don't know, but I think I saw her last week, kicking the vending machine." 

Not long now.  Even my bus driver is getting excited.  Tick tock tick tock ...

                                               
                                               "I miss your whippings, milord ..."

In Flanders Field

 

                                  In Memory of Our Veterans, Past and Present ...

Hope & Change

    Good Luck, dearie!  You'll need it!

Cleaning Up My Desk

I've been at my job for 28 years.  I started as a two year temp, hired to label thousands of crumbling state law books which filled an entire floor of our library building.  When the project was done, the kindly Head of Cataloging asked me to stay on as a clerk (and eventually cataloging assistant), which I did gladly because I didn't know what else to do.  (Think hard about that Humanities degree, kidlets!)  Now, decades later, I am waxing (slightly) nostalgic over stuff from those days of yore, like a silly handmade manual of cataloging instructions which are now mostly defunct.  And I wrote everything down in my prettiest Catholic high school penmanship too.

“If the printout is a maintenance record, set *fun cat mai.* If new record, *set fun cat.* Go to the first LOC field and type <F2> b. This will recall the string bh 1, com 1, lb 1, nwk 1, pas 1, pom 1, sm 1, tor 1, vn 1.”

 

I also found photocopies of retirement cards I had made over the years for now departed friends & colleagues.  Interesting how I apparently even made cards for people I disliked profoundly, just because I was deemed the *resident artist* and everyone thought it was my duty.  And then, there are all the leftover thingies from the *blockbuster* library exhibits I had done in the 90s:  that dried up mangy tulip bulb (the Monetary Law Exhibit of '98), the resin apple pie which a hungry co-worker tried to eat (the Food Law Exhibit of '97), and the rather wonky Han granary (Ancient Chinese Law Exhibit of '99) which I should really re-sell on Ebay.  (Originally $15!  Authenticated by Sotheby. Seriously.)

A lot of this stuff will go, of course.  Still, I will particularly miss the 40 ketchup packets which I had been planning to sell to the highest bidder if the staff had all been trapped in the aftermath of a catastrophic earthquake.  And that tempting bag of chili lemon pork rinds from 2004?   Ehhh .. maybe not so much.

                                                                Going, going ...