Staff Meetings: The Infernal Device!

So ... we just had our Quarterly Staff Meeting.  I'm sure everyone has them, but ours are extra special, like that pimple on your nose that never goes away.  Rule No. 1: Everyone must be Present and there shall be NO EXCUSES!  You could have a great white shark attached to your bottom and you'd still have to show up.  Even a diagnosis of flesh eating disease won't save you.

First, the Announcements!  Big Bossy announces that "We just hired another Director!" Huzzahh!  Never mind that this director will only be supervising one employee and our organization already has more *directors* than there are Swiss girls named Gretel.  You can never have too many directors.  In fact, I heard a rumor today that I am being considered for Director of Parking Lot Attendants.

Staff birthdays are next!  I can't tell you how eagerly I look forward to my birthday every year when I see all those names for July, August & September scrolling over the video screen at 80 mph.  It just makes a girl wanna cry. Afterwards, we have fresh frosted cupcake followed by such a frantic rush to the loo that the water pressure of downtown LA drops by 19%.

After the break (during which I also check my email and read a touching request for funds to save a cat meowing pitifully in a drainpipe) -- the Pièce de résistance!  STRATEGY GROUPS! -- in which the befuddled staff  must come up with ways to make the organization achieve world domination through Facebook & possibly Pinterest!  Unfortunately, I am mostly ignored when I suggest that the Library of the Future (or LAWCULUS ©) will almost certainly be telepathic. 

 Using a brain control interface in the shape of ergonomic ice tongs, the Patron will access the Wisdom of  LAWCULUS by reading the librarian's mind which stores the equivalent of 500,000 titles.  Afterwards, the Patron will download the book telepathically to his Iphone 9.5.  Hence, print and electronic material (as well as directors) will no longer be necessary and the annual budget is reduced to a reasonable $86.95.  Yes, yes, I realize that our librarians will eventually all wind up with dented foreheads, but is that so bad? It isn't any worse than my bald spot. 


                               

                                   Our IT guy is arrested for missing staff meeting.