Eat This!

Even though I am violently allergic to shrimps, prawns, crabs and all hideous sea creatures with eyes on stalks, I eat SHRIMP CHIPS like there's no tomorrow!  Which probably means that the closest these chips have ever been to a shrimp was when the Calbee grocery truck rumbles past the parking lot of Panda Express.  Shrimp chips. Only 500 calories a bag and of absolutely no nutritional or shrimpy value whatsoever. Just the way I like it.   Oh & I hate veggies too.  

"My Head is Spinning!"

Looks like layoffs are postponed.  Apparently, Dear Leader forgot to mention to the Board that she was planning to close the branch libraries, which did not sit well with these demi-gods. "My head spinneth like a top!" exclaimed one particularly outraged member as she picked out the prawns in her seafood salad.  Meanwhile, all I could think of was a Western Bacon Cheeseburger, a giant Coke Slurpee, and a pile of greasy onion rings the size of Mt Fuji.  Honestly, someone should drop a note in the Suggestion Box about a Senor Taco food cart being present during the proceedings.

Not So Good News!

Oh no! Not so Dear Leader has sent shocking Memo to weary slaves about impending layoffs! (I work in a library, folks.) Apparently, to *counter the reduction in revenue,* Big Bossy has decided to reduce the staff by 11 positions, so the remaining employees can rejoice in their good fortune at being allowed to remain! Huzzahhhh! FREE CUPCAKES EVERYONE!  [Yours Truly starts writing a 12 page dissertation on why Dear Leader should keep only those workers with an attractive bald spot.]


Meanwhile, worried employees do what they do best ...

You Can Feel it in your Bones ...

You know it's Time to Retire when:

• You just bought microwaveable comfort booties on Amazon.
• You pity everyone under 45. 
• 95% of your internet bookmarks are about living in Costa Rica and toe joint inflammation. 
• You start making cash flow diagrams on post-its during staff meetings.
• You realize that you've been using the same art gum eraser for 23 years.
• Your boss keeps telling visitors that you have been working there since you were a fetus.
• You find the dried-up cinnamon buns in the kitchen vending machine surprisingly tasty.   
• All your tops have zippers & your pants are fleece.

                                                        Notice the retirement clock?