Have you ever had a mammogram when your mammos stopped growing at age 9? Yes, girls, not only do I wear an alluring A Cup, but I do believe I am an A- ! I've seen cheese wontons that put my chest to shame. So you can imagine my embarrassment & frank dismay when I go to KAISER for my annual mammogram.
This year, they had a new machine. No, it didn't have a microscope (that would have been more practical with my nut-like specimens) but it had A TRAY! A TRAY! A tray upon which to pour one's *lush womanly curves* so that it may be examined for unnatural growths (like, an additional fat cell maybe) by the charming nursie/technician. Fortunately, Startled Nursie saw my dilemma, discreetly removed the tray and replaced it with the customary glass plates on which to photograph my near invisible thingamabobs. Poor Nursie! For 15 minutes, she squeezed, pummeled, kneaded, twisted, moved my arms this way & that, and exclaimed, "Oh dear, did that hurt?" and that was just the first breast. By the end of the mammogram, I was in tears, convinced that if I didn't have cancer before, I certainly had it now, since the pain was near unbearable. Did I have any breast left? Surely she had squashed my meagre endowments to the size of a sausage patty.
At last, Exhausted Nursie left the room with the 4 precious plates of my mammogram. Five minutes later, she returned and said, smiling, that I would get a letter in 2 weeks. It sounds like good news, but we'll see when I get that notice in the mail. At this point, I'm just hoping my breasts will grow back in time for the next mammogram.
When Waterboarding might be preferable ...
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Oh dear ~ you know, I can really relate to this... up until 3 years ago I was always an A cup but have since "blossomed" to a C with some additional weight. They were so shocked when comparing my mammos from 3 yrs ago (yes, I missed a few) they didn't believe it was the same woman.
ReplyDeleteFew know how hard it is to not have. Thanks for sharing!
♥Sharon
Hurmmm .. don't think its possible for me to blossom at 51 and besides, I'm pretty used to *Flatlands* by now. Heh. It's just just the mammograms that drive me mad -- why doesn't someone invent a machine for the *little ones.*?
ReplyDeleteWhile I feel your plight, this made me laugh because it is so well written. I'm linking to you on Monday when I do a post about mammograms! You present an excellent viewpoint that many can relate to!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sherry. I rather like laughter. :)
ReplyDeleteDo you know, laughter was what got me through my treatment and beyond? A valuable part of any medical treatment! :)
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