Retirement Blues

Is Henri near retirement?  I think so.   My *cat door* is five weeks away.

Assorted Thoughts

Received a retirement mug today from a kindly neighbor. It says "The past is history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift."  Hoookay.  I will have to think about the gifty part again on Wednesday, when my workplace closes down for an all-day staff meeting, and we have to listen to 6 hours of stuff that has nothing to do with our work.  I wonder if I should bring a large bag of Honey Dijon potato chips to the proceedings, but decide the loud crunching noises would attract Security.

Meanwhile, the library finds that Big Bossy has decided to retire at the end of December 2012!  WOW, that was shocking.  We thought she would never leave ... I mean, we thought she would be our executive director for another 5 years at least.  Naturally, most of us have mixed emotions ... but, really, I was STUNNED.   I was so stunned that my jaw fell to the floor and crushed a malingering cockroach.  But I will write more about this affair after I have officially retired and chugged a  large sparkly martini.

I'm cooking Hormel smoked *pork chops* for my dad's lunch.  That is -- ordinary ham cut in the shape of pork chops with the little rims of *pretend* fat.  My dad bought it because it looked healthier.  Did I forget to add that those 4 skinny fake pork chops cost almost $5?  Tsk tsk tsk.

                                       Come on, no one hates a staff meeting that much!

48 Days to Go!

It's mid-October; the box turtle is digging up the backyard, looking for a comfy place to hibernate; and I have only 48 days to go before the End of My Glorious Library Career. Huzzahhh!  In fact, I am sure I have changed the World since my highly important initials MLC must show up just about 80,000 times in the OCLC database!  (OCLC is an online global library catalogue.)

So what's left?  Well, I have to bring my crap home.  That is: all my books, gardening & decoration magazines, coffee mugs, miniature Buddha collection, assorted knicknacks and doodads, photographs, and office supplies that I PURCHASED FOR MY PERSONAL USE because the library is too cheap to provide them.  For example, instead of Post-Its, our resourceful supply person has to give us old cut-up, somewhat sticky telephone memo pads. So I buy my own Post-Its as well as my own Extra Fine Razor Point PILOT pens which I prefer for my exquisite penmanship. Yairs.  Funny how Management can renovate our entire building at huge cost, but go el-cheapo in the post-it department.

I also found a large packet of caricatures which I used to draw when I got annoyed with someone.  There is AT LEAST a hundred of these caricatures, but most of the people featured have long gone or retired.  I don't make them anymore, especially after A Caricatured One snooped in my desk drawer (probably to look for a Post-It) and found my stash.  So now I just fume and blog, chortle!

                                                   48 days?  You've got to be kidding!

Call Me Maybe

I was called back.  After 5 years of clear mammograms, I was called back. I couldn't believe it -- here I was, on the glorious edge of Retirement, and I get a freaking call from Kaiser about returning for a second mammogram and an ultrasound. Apparently, they had found something *interesting* in my smidge of a right breast. Okay, I reasoned, it must be really miniscule, a veritable dust mite, if they found it in one of my pea-like boobs.  So I managed to stop hyperventilating for 5 minutes and made the appointment for Friday, October 5.  

I wish I could say I calmed down after that.  But alas, I just managed to scare myself witless by going on the internuts and finding the discussion forums of Breastcancer.org.  This is a wonderful site, an amazing site, a hyperactive ganglion of precious first-hand information about breast cancer, but, being the incredibly stupid nosey person that I am, I also peered into threads like *Sharp Shooting Pain Feels like I am Being Stabbed* and *My Breast Feels like a Ticking Time Bomb.*  Uh oh. Not a good idea.

Two days later, I am back at Kaiser.  The second mammogram wasn't too bad -- I think New Nursie was warned that my breasts bear a fleeting resemblance to garbanzo beans, so I got a better, less painful machine -- Huzzahhh!   The ultrasound wasn't bad either -- Nursie smeared some really cold jellied stuff on my breast, and then tried to iron me like a fine linen blouse.  After consulting with the radiologist (who was somewhere else on the premises), Nursie announced that they had found 2 very small cysts and that I was free to go, although they would like to check up on the little buggers again after 6 months. OH JOY!  I then leaped off the examination table, threw my bra in the trash (it was an old bra anyway, probably from high school) and ran off with my sister to Carls Jr. for some lovely fried onion rings.  Really, it takes so little to make me happy.

                                                           This makes me happy too!