Sunday Routine

8AM.  The day starts with me in bed and the dog shrieking in my ear. "I WANT TO GO OUT!  MY BLADDER IS ABOUT TO MESS UP YOUR FINE WOODEN FLOORS!"  So out he goes.  He also gets a breakfast of 3 or 4 snausages and a tiny sprinkle of the kibble with which I feed a friendly three legged feral cat.  After the dog finishes killing the grass, I go back in the house and eat my brekkie which is always 2 hard-boiled eggs on Sunday, whites discarded.  Meanwhile, my 86 year old dad has already finished his meal of whole grain bread slathered with peanut butter, leftover turkey or chicken or pork, tiny dried Philippine fish called dilis (Teriyaki flavour), an apple, 6 strawberries (microwaved because of those pesky strawberry germs) and 5 or 6 nuggets of See's chocolate Bridge Mix.  He eats a variation of this meal everyday, 3 times a day, and weighs only 130 pounds. He makes me sick, LOL.

9AM.  I don't know why I watch all these stupid political pundit shows on Sunday. I only truly respect Bob Schieffer of FACE THE NATION but he interviews too many publicity-seeking politicians.  And of all the loudmouth panelists (I'm looking at you, George Will, with your snotty Pelopponesian War metaphors), I only like the economist Paul Krugman.  Perhaps I'm hoping to learn something new, but really, none of these overpaid dweebs have changed in 15 years.

10-12PM.  If I didn't have my 2 boiled eggs, that means brunch with a friend at Canele, a very popular Atwater bistro. Afterwards, we might swing by the Atwater Farmers Market for some flowers, or go to Starbucks for a caramel frappucino.

1PM -5PM.  I don't do much on Sunday afternoons.   Yeah, yeah, I know I'm retired, and everyday is a lazy Sunday afternoon. But I.REALLY.DON'T.DO.ANYTHING.  I don't garden; I barely take a stab at the dirty dishes; I sneer at dust bunnies. If I'm feeling a little hyper, I might open a bag of pork rinds and chew my way through it for 4 hours.  Or I might read something.  Right now, it's ASSASSIN'S CODE by Jonathan Maberry, and MAXED OUT: HARD TIMES IN THE AGE OF EASY CREDIT by James Scurlock, because I just love fuming about debt.

6PM - 1AM.  Dinner is usually something deliciously frozen like fish sticks. Heh. Or I might order pizza from KRISPY KRUST. Or I might fry this special vinegary marinated fish my dad gets from Philippine groceries.  TV is AMAZING RACE (new season this weekend, huzzah!) and the conclusion of DOWNTON ABBEY.  Sniffles. (I already checked YouTube for spoilers.)  And bed is usually between 1 and 2AM because I'm a news junkie and I can't help checking out the web for news of a giant sunspot which will destroy us all by lunch tomorrow.

                                                  The *Fascinating* Bedside Table

The Next Five Years

 Okay, I’m retired. No more whining about boredom, the Wickedness of my Ex-Director, the overpaid good-for-nothing library management, the eye-rolling tedium of staff meetings, and the sad lack of cheez doodles in the vending machine.  So I’ve finally decided to make a list of things I want to complete within the next five years.  Hopefully, these goals will give my retirement some substance, some sense of meaning.  (Hurmm, I wonder what it means to watch 120 episodes of FRASIER in 2 months. Eck.)

1.     My most important goal is to pay down my credit card debt.  Last year, Feb. 2012, my debt was around $65,000.  Yes, folks, $65,679, to be exact. This is what happens when you have 8 credit cards and a taste for antique Spanish Colonial sculpture, high-end fabrics, expensive decorating books, and a PRIME account with AMAZON.  So what if I look like a Beyonce of Fleece – I had an 18^th century Portugese Madonna!  Eventually, I decided this was unsustainable, and as of today, Feb. 7, 2013, my debt has been reduced to $53,000.  Hopefully, within four years, my credit card debt will be wiped out to near-nothingness!

2.     Save $6000 for a month in London and $4000 for 2 weeks in Rome.  It would be so easy to just put this on my paid-up credit cards ($15,000 credit available!) but I’m not going to do that. I’m going to see if I can squeeze $50 a week into my Savings Bell Jar.  (It’s so nice to stare at a glass jar full of beautiful, slightly crumpled cash.)

3.     Start a little zine of my own.  I’ve always been fascinated by these eccentric little self-publications, so I’m going to see if I can make one too.

4.     Lose 30 pounds.   I’m on my way!  I’ve lost 6 pounds already since retirement, and I’m not even sure how it happened.  It was probably the weeding.

5.     Create a lovely cottage garden!   So far, my garden looks nothing like Hidcote or Barnsdale, or any of those hateful flowery things on YouTube, but I’ll be patient.

6.  Read 25 books every year.  I can probably do better than this, but not if I keep re-reading SHOGUN or my worn-out copy of THE MAMMOTH BOOK OF GHOST STORIES.

7.  Start a used bookstore/curio shop with my sister.  I don't know if this will ever happen, but I think it's a lovely dream.

                                    That Portugese Madonna

Windows 8 ... Nooooo!

Well well well ... its 2013 and I have WINDOWS 8 on my computer!  Oh nooo!  [Tipsy starts to hyperventilate.]  Yes, I have an expensive new desktop alright, but it also has the shockingly different Windows 8 interface with its *living tiles* and no way to exit a page!  Ughhhhh!  Where's my big old *E* button that was perfect for these senior eyes?  What happened to my oh-so-convenient list of bookmarks that was always there on the left side of my screen?  How come the computer clock keeps going back to Central Time?  Does Microsoft want me to move to Arkansas?  So tonight, I am waiting for my new book WINDOWS 8 FOR DUMMIES which I just ordered from Amazon.  Unfortunately, there will be a week's delay because of the many dummies out there who also got a new computer for 2013.  Gahhhh!

Meanwhile, I have started reading my Christmas book stash again, starting with the vampire thriller RED, WHITE AND BLOOD by Chris Farnsworth.  I don't read vampire things usually (however, I will tolerate well-written zombies), but this book features a handsome 140 year old bloodsucker who serves the President of the United States!  We should all be so lucky. Yarrrr.

A Bookish Retirement

So what is the first thing you do when you start thinking of the BIG R?  You buy books on retirement, of course!  LOTS OF THEM!  Here's a teeny sampling of my reading list ...

RETIRE HAPPY: WHAT YOU CAN DO NOW TO GUARANTEE A GREAT RETIREMENT, by Richard Stim & Ralph Warner. 2008.
This is a typical Nolo Press book (Nolo books are always being stolen from my library), so you can be sure that it is exceedingly useful, straightforward and comprehensive. My favourite chapters are Ch.7. Convert Debt into Retirement Savings; Ch.8. Where will the Money Come From? and Ch. 9. Growing and Protecting Retirement Assets. RETIRE HAPPY might be a little too basic for you finance fanatics, but it's a great jumping off point and would be my first purchase.

RETIREMENTOLOGY: RETHINKING THE AMERICAN DREAM IN A NEW ECONOMY, by Gregory Salsbury. 2010.
This is not a retirement financial guide per se, and, in fact, might be more useful for those who are still a fair distance from throwing in the towel. But it talks about the irrational ways we behave when it comes to money ("I'm not really spending $900 on a 50 inch TV -- I'm saving money because its ON SALE!") and how *number crunching* should not scare us off planning for our retirement. This book is also surprisingly humorous and engaging for such a serious subject.

YOU CAN RETIRE YOUNG!  HOW TO RETIRE IN YOUR 40s OR 50s WITHOUT BEING RICH! by Larry Ferstenou. 2002.
Even if it is a bit dated (originally published in 2002, the author doesn't really discuss the high costs of health care & his compound interest rates are way off), this book is nevertheless an entertaining & practical account of how a frugal married couple saved their balls off and lived off their investments.  Of course, they don't mention until much later in the book that they also work part-time, but I forgive them because I'm such a sweet old lady.

20 RETIREMENT DECISIONS YOU NEED TO MAKE RIGHT NOW by Ray E. Levitre.  2010.
If you can understand this sentence "If your IRA contains after-tax contributions, withdrawals are made on a pro-rata basis" without eventually hallucinating about neighing sex starved centaurs, then this book is FOR YOU!  Recommended only for financial geeks and Lovers of Spreadsheet Literature.

• Decision #1: Do I have enough money to retire now?
• Decision #2: Is it worthwhile to develop a comprehensive financial plan if I'm already close to retirement?
• Decision #3: Who should I trust to advise me about my financial future?
• Decision #4: How much can I safely withdraw from my portfolio?
• Decision #5: If I retire early, is it okay to withdraw funds from my IRA?
• Decision #6: When should I begin taking Social Security?
• Decision #7: Which pension payout option should I choose?
• Decision #8: Which retirement plan distribution option should I choose?
• Decision #9: How should I manage my personal savings?
• Decision #10: How much should I invest in stocks, bonds, and cash?
• Decision #11: How should I diversify my investment portfolio?
• Decision #12: What should I do if the bulk of my portfolio is invested in one or two stocks?
• Decision #13: What criteria should I use to identify the best investments?
• Decision #14: Should I buy load or no-load mutual funds, annuities, and life insurance?
• Decision #15: How will I manage my portfolio on an ongoing basis?
• Decision #16: How will I cover my medical expenses during retirement?
• Decision #17: Should I buy long-term care insurance?
• Decision #18: Should I cancel my life insurance policy, since I no longer need the coverage?
• Decision #19: Should I pay off my mortgage at retirement?
• Decision #20: What strategies should I use to ensure that my estate passes to my heirs and not to Uncle Sam?

RAGS TO RETIREMENT: STORIES FROM PEOPLE WHO RETIRED WELL ON MUCH LESS THAN YOU'D THINK.  By Gail Liberman and Alan Lavine. 2010.
A really excellent book featuring tales of the mildly geriatric as they embark on the 2nd half of life.  There's no glossy fairy tales here -- every story is told with delightful honesty, and sometimes, an overlay of regret.  Stories range from an adventurous feller who decides to live on a houseboat to a somewhat sad account of a native American whose later life is complicated by a stroke.

 

All books are available on AMAZON.