Fluffeh Maru

Ooops, how did that get in here?

Maru, the fluffiest cat in the planet, gets his ears cleaned.  Looks like
someone has  been having more than their share of the potato salad.

When Enough is Enough ...

A friend recently told me, "You're too young to retire!  Why not stay two more years to increase your pension?  You would be making 75% of your salary!"  Why not indeed?  I've been thinking hard about this.  My twin sister, who works for the VA, makes more than twice as much money as I do, but is always stressed out from coping with report deadlines, a workaholic boss, and deadbeat employees.  And yet she will not consider leaving until 2016, when she is eligible for Full Retirement & generous federal bennies. 

Meanwhile, Poverty-Stricken Me wants to throw in the towel at 51 despite a wallet full of credit cards and considerable debt.  Am I bored, even lazy?  Perhaps.  But I didn't get this way without help.  For one thing, I haven't been promoted since Bruce Springsteen wore blue jean nappies.  Even weirdos have received more consideration -- one of them was a colleague who got promoted 3 times while trimming her toenails and complaining to me that she is overworked and that her wrists hurt.  (From what?  Excessive wrist rotation from overactive toenail growth?) 

So I am retiring, calling it a day, engines are now disengaging, Captain.  Not just because 50 is the mimimum age for early retirement in my neck of the woods.  But also because, over the last year or so, it is now clear that the lack of acknowledgment / promotion / new desk inlaid with rare Neapolitan woods also rankles.  I'll miss my friends when I leave.  But continuing to work under these circumstances would be foolish and, ultimately, self-destructive.

                           

                                        Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
                                         And sorry I could not travel both
                                         And be one traveler, long I stood
                                         And looked down one as far as I could
                                        To where it bent in the undergrowth ..

                                                                                            Robert Frost

                                                                               

                   

What Fresh Home Is This?

This is my little Spanish Colonial in Los Angeles, California. As you can see, its not exactly Beige Modern, nor has it changed much since 2010, when this youtube was made. The only major difference is a vast increase in bookyness (my sister is currently in a witchcraft / hunky vampire kick), and the dining room table has become untidy because it is covered with laundry, assorted water bottles, and four J Jill catalogues. (Seriously, J Jill and J. Crew must be responsible for razing half the trees in South America.)  Eventually, I will show you my garden, when it is prettier and the weeds have stopped trying to strangle passers-by.

PS.  95% of the fabric in this video was found on Ebay at ridiculously low prices.  My favourite is the green & pink Duralee toile on the dining room chairs.

Staff Meetings: The Infernal Device!

So ... we just had our Quarterly Staff Meeting.  I'm sure everyone has them, but ours are extra special, like that pimple on your nose that never goes away.  Rule No. 1: Everyone must be Present and there shall be NO EXCUSES!  You could have a great white shark attached to your bottom and you'd still have to show up.  Even a diagnosis of flesh eating disease won't save you.

First, the Announcements!  Big Bossy announces that "We just hired another Director!" Huzzahh!  Never mind that this director will only be supervising one employee and our organization already has more *directors* than there are Swiss girls named Gretel.  You can never have too many directors.  In fact, I heard a rumor today that I am being considered for Director of Parking Lot Attendants.

Staff birthdays are next!  I can't tell you how eagerly I look forward to my birthday every year when I see all those names for July, August & September scrolling over the video screen at 80 mph.  It just makes a girl wanna cry. Afterwards, we have fresh frosted cupcake followed by such a frantic rush to the loo that the water pressure of downtown LA drops by 19%.

After the break (during which I also check my email and read a touching request for funds to save a cat meowing pitifully in a drainpipe) -- the Pièce de résistance!  STRATEGY GROUPS! -- in which the befuddled staff  must come up with ways to make the organization achieve world domination through Facebook & possibly Pinterest!  Unfortunately, I am mostly ignored when I suggest that the Library of the Future (or LAWCULUS ©) will almost certainly be telepathic. 

 Using a brain control interface in the shape of ergonomic ice tongs, the Patron will access the Wisdom of  LAWCULUS by reading the librarian's mind which stores the equivalent of 500,000 titles.  Afterwards, the Patron will download the book telepathically to his Iphone 9.5.  Hence, print and electronic material (as well as directors) will no longer be necessary and the annual budget is reduced to a reasonable $86.95.  Yes, yes, I realize that our librarians will eventually all wind up with dented foreheads, but is that so bad? It isn't any worse than my bald spot. 


                               

                                   Our IT guy is arrested for missing staff meeting.

Jacket Most Quilty

Huzzahh, my incredibly huge quilted brown winter jacket has arrived!  (I love quilted things.)  As usual, I found it on Ebay where tasteful large people are apparently unloading entire closets full of lovely stuff!   Although it is 3x and still rather large on my chunky frame (I normally wear 1-2X), it looks quite stylish & roomy enough to hide my Voyager travel vest which I bought so I wouldn't have to carry a daypack.  Here it is with its cool corduroy collar.  Only $45 including Priority shipping, this exceedingly comfy jacket is by Jones New York.

I realize it is quite brown but I think chestnut is a pretty color, and Google Earth could certainly identify me as a *large puffy brown hazelnut* rolling down Palatine Hill if I ever go missing.  (I intend to visit Rome -- and Palatine Hill -- early next winter.)

I Got Bookmarks!

As I approach the Autumnal Leafiness of My Life (retirement), I suddenly realized how many freaking cat videos are listed in my Bookmarks!  There must be close to 30!  And that doesn't even include my most recent favourite of a cat named Shiro who sits somewhere in Japan, wearing 5 cans of sardines on his head.  But seriously, have you ever tried cleaning up your Bookmarks?   It is soooo hard.  Surely I will need  to consult that site featuring *Federal Tax Brackets* when I get rich by selling my line of crafty Q-tips frugally fashioned from dryer lint.  And how can I delete that precious Ebay listing of *Womens Plus Sizes Athletic Shorts Pants Many Colors!* when each athletic item is only $5.88?  And have I mentioned my scads of film clips featuring Jonny Lee Miller in his every delicious appearance as dear Mr Knightley?  Nope, don't think I'll get rid of those.  I'll get rid of the cats before I get rid of my pretty man.  But I just saw this so adorable viddy of a kitten chewing his adorable toebeans ...  dangnabbit ...

   Emma & Mr Knightley at the Crown Inn ball.  Toebean Cat coming soon!