Does my Bladder know I'm Middle Aged?

Does my bladder know it's middle-aged?  Apparently so.  Scarcely three months into my restful old age, I started running into the loo 6-7 times a day.  I started losing weight even though I avoid exercising like the plague. (Although I must say I do eat a lot less rice in retirement.)  "AHA!" exclaimed one of my smartass Googly friends.  "You sound diabetic! Woohoo!"  And after googling & Binging all over, I have to agree -- I do seem to have all the symptoms of a diabetic.  I am seeing my doctor in 2 weeks for confirmation (KAISER doctors have more patients than the Vatican has saints.)  So, I have decided to stop using the word *glorious* in reference to retirement.  Now, I'm just pissed.

In the Weeds

Sorry about neglecting this blog for a bit, but things happen.  Medical appointments, weeds in the garden (some taller than the rose bushes) and everyday, new ones grow, especially after a spring rain.  I have been talking retirement with my twin sister too -- originally, she wanted to work for 5 more years (she has a great pension coming), but I guess the diagnosis of congestive heart failure alters one's mind set.  Personally, I would love for her to retire -- we would then be two old fogies in our tatty waffle bathrobes, arguing about who will pull the weeds.   :)

 

From my garden ...

 

 

The Ones You Leave Behind

I used to think that retirement (well, until I got that kink in my hip) would be an unalloyed joy.  I would sleep until 9AM, watch all the SEX & THE CITY episodes I ever missed, and eat wildly unhealthy food from PANDA EXPRESS. 

But when I get emails from the people I used to work with in my old workplace, I'm just sad.  Almost every message mentions a layoff, someone being fired for the most trivial reasons, or someone departing because they couldn't stand their boss.  As it is, there now seems to be more "management" than there is staff to manage.  We even have "directors" who get paid in the $90,000-$100,000+ range who supervise only one person.

It wasn't always this way.  Many many moons ago (in the 80s, when I was first hired), we only had One Director and one other guy who was in charge of Administration. (I'm not sure what his official title was, but he was not called a Director), and I used to be able to send him funny emails when I asked for supplies.  We also had a feisty Human Resources lady and two secretaries.

Now, we have an Executive Director; an Interim Senior Director; a Senior Director/Chief Technology Officer, and a Senior Director of Administrative Services. We also have a Communications Director (apparently, maintaining the dullish website, and tweeting about exciting library events like brown bag lunches is worth $80 grand a year.) 

Meanwhile, we also have a Finance Manager (that's the accountant, folks) and the Human Resources Executive Assistant (receptionist) who sits at a very nice desk, records the minutes of every Board Meeting, and orders the birthday cupcakes for the Quarterly Staff Meeting.  And of course, the ones who lose their jobs are the lowly support staff, the part-timers, and the *uneducated* creatures without an impressive degree. (Librarians are almost never fired -- most of them leave to escape the toxic surroundings.) 

I wish I didn't have to write this post, because the library is already behind me.  But my friends' uncertain job situation pisses me off, and everyday, I wish I could help them. 

                                           

RIP, Mr Ebert

In Memory of Roger Ebert, 1942-2013, a brave man who never let all his afflictions bring him down.  No more pain, Mr. Ebert. Only peace & joy.                                        

Spring Crapola

With the coming of Glorious Spring is my sister having breathing issues and now heart trouble.  Fortunately, she didn't wait too long and the doctor was able to diagnose high blood pressure, irregular heart beat and weakened heart (congestive heart failure).  So she stayed in KAISER Hospital overnight and they drained four pounds of fluid out of her lungs and ankles and feet.   I know the term *heart failure* is quite alarming, but apparently, that's what doctors want to call it.  (What about Naughty Heart Syndrome, eh, doc?)  Hopefully, she will come home tonight after two more cardiac tests.  The doctor seemed quite lovely.

Dead Pet Cemetery

According to a fabulous new book, LIFE AT HOME IN THE 21st CENTURY (2012, J. Arnold et al.), refrigerator doors are the final resting place for much of our modern detritus: advertising magnets, photos, kids' art, invitations, take-out menus, charts and real estate calendars.  While our 20 year old fridge has its share of these artifacts (I counted 47 items, oh dear!), I did notice something else: almost all the photos feature our late lamented dogs (particularly, Killer, our sweet-tempered Lhasa Apso), who were usually posing with a family member.  Meanwhile, our 35 year old box turtle wanders about the weedy garden, having the time of his life.  I expect he will outlive us all.

                                                        I liked Hideo Nomo too.

What I Ordered on AMAZON

What does one do while waiting for the Election of the New Pope?  Why, go shopping on AMAZON of course!  This is what I purchased in the last two weeks.  (No, I don't have a car and yes, the UPS man hates me.)

3 bottles of LYSOL Toilet Bowl Cleaner  (Buy 2, Get 1 Free!)  Only $7.41!  I have seen a bottle of this stuff for $4+ at the supermarket, so I think this was a good deal. Free AMAZON PRIME shipping too!

RESCUE Disposable Fly Trap, 2 traps.  $5.86 each.  This is no bargain but I can't be bothered going to HOME DEPOT either.  After about a month, particularly in the summer, you will have collected so many flies in this trap that the bag resembles a smelly bubbling stomach of writhing raisins. Delish!

LIFE AT HOME IN THE 21ST CENTURY. By Jeane E. Arnold, et al.  $16.47.  An interesting look at the way families live in the here & now.  Many many pictures of clutter.  Still, you haven't REALLY seen clutter unless you visit a flat in Tokyo.

CASABELLA LOOP 3 PIECE BRUSH SET.  $9.62.  3 brushes of varying lengths with extra rigid nylon bristles.  I could probably have gotten these cheaper elsewhere, but I like the different shapes & colors.

THE 106 COMMON MISTAKES HOMEBUYERS MAKE (AND HOW TO AVOID THEM). By Gary W. Eldred. 2005. $11.35.  A little outdated, but still useful.  I purchased this for my brother who is looking for his first home.  Since his budget is exceedingly limited, I hope he doesn't wind up with some haunted fixer-upper.

HIGH CRIMES: THE FATE OF EVEREST IN AN AGE OF GREED. By Michael Kodas. 2009. $6.40 paperback.  I wish I hadn't bought this deeply depressing book.  So far, in the first few chapters, Everest seems to be populated by evil thieving Sherpas.  I hope the writing gets more even-handed by the conclusion.

LITTLE CITY DOGS Monthly Flea Control Pills, 12 Lufenuron Capsules  $25.  I was quite upset when I found that PROGRAM no longer produced the meds I used for my demon-possessed Maltese, so I am glad these suddenly showed up in my search.
                                      

                                                      

Waiting for a Pope

A deeply Catholic friend of mine flew to Rome three days ago, so she would be present for the Arrival of our New Pope.  She had never been to Rome before, so she went on a mad dash of all the tourist sites:  the Pantheon, the Colosseum, the Trevi Fountain.  So of course, for her first photo of the Eternal City, she had to email me this fantastic, unforgettable view.  LOL.

                                                    "I will never forget Rome!"                                  

Oscar Watching

Who should win the Oscar:

Best Picture:  LIFE OF PI
Best Director:  ANG LEE
Best Actor:  DANIEL DAY LEWIS
Best Actress:  EMMANUELLE RIVA

I don't really care about the rest, except that LIFE OF PI should win as many Oscars as possible!  (Eventually, LIFE OF PI would win 4 Oscars:  Best Director, Best Original Score, Best Cinematography and Best Visual Effects.)

PS. I just found out about what is in the Oscar Goodie Bag this year.  I believe all nominees receive these lavish treasure chests of stuff worth approximately $45,000!  Cannot be re-gifted to the 99%.  Gifts include:

A $795 water filtration system
A $200 custom set of candles
A $12,000 trip to Australia
A $5000 facelift procedure
An $1800 one year membership to Heathrow's private VIP service
A $3000 holiday at the St Regis Punta Mita Resort in Mexico
A $600 course of acupuncture treatments
Circus lessons for the nominee's children worth $400
$850 worth of personal trainer sessions

Hurmmm ... I guess they couldn't squeeze in the Porsche this year.

"I could eat you up."

 

 

                                         

Sunday Routine

8AM.  The day starts with me in bed and the dog shrieking in my ear. "I WANT TO GO OUT!  MY BLADDER IS ABOUT TO MESS UP YOUR FINE WOODEN FLOORS!"  So out he goes.  He also gets a breakfast of 3 or 4 snausages and a tiny sprinkle of the kibble with which I feed a friendly three legged feral cat.  After the dog finishes killing the grass, I go back in the house and eat my brekkie which is always 2 hard-boiled eggs on Sunday, whites discarded.  Meanwhile, my 86 year old dad has already finished his meal of whole grain bread slathered with peanut butter, leftover turkey or chicken or pork, tiny dried Philippine fish called dilis (Teriyaki flavour), an apple, 6 strawberries (microwaved because of those pesky strawberry germs) and 5 or 6 nuggets of See's chocolate Bridge Mix.  He eats a variation of this meal everyday, 3 times a day, and weighs only 130 pounds. He makes me sick, LOL.

9AM.  I don't know why I watch all these stupid political pundit shows on Sunday. I only truly respect Bob Schieffer of FACE THE NATION but he interviews too many publicity-seeking politicians.  And of all the loudmouth panelists (I'm looking at you, George Will, with your snotty Pelopponesian War metaphors), I only like the economist Paul Krugman.  Perhaps I'm hoping to learn something new, but really, none of these overpaid dweebs have changed in 15 years.

10-12PM.  If I didn't have my 2 boiled eggs, that means brunch with a friend at Canele, a very popular Atwater bistro. Afterwards, we might swing by the Atwater Farmers Market for some flowers, or go to Starbucks for a caramel frappucino.

1PM -5PM.  I don't do much on Sunday afternoons.   Yeah, yeah, I know I'm retired, and everyday is a lazy Sunday afternoon. But I.REALLY.DON'T.DO.ANYTHING.  I don't garden; I barely take a stab at the dirty dishes; I sneer at dust bunnies. If I'm feeling a little hyper, I might open a bag of pork rinds and chew my way through it for 4 hours.  Or I might read something.  Right now, it's ASSASSIN'S CODE by Jonathan Maberry, and MAXED OUT: HARD TIMES IN THE AGE OF EASY CREDIT by James Scurlock, because I just love fuming about debt.

6PM - 1AM.  Dinner is usually something deliciously frozen like fish sticks. Heh. Or I might order pizza from KRISPY KRUST. Or I might fry this special vinegary marinated fish my dad gets from Philippine groceries.  TV is AMAZING RACE (new season this weekend, huzzah!) and the conclusion of DOWNTON ABBEY.  Sniffles. (I already checked YouTube for spoilers.)  And bed is usually between 1 and 2AM because I'm a news junkie and I can't help checking out the web for news of a giant sunspot which will destroy us all by lunch tomorrow.

                                                  The *Fascinating* Bedside Table

The Next Five Years

 Okay, I’m retired. No more whining about boredom, the Wickedness of my Ex-Director, the overpaid good-for-nothing library management, the eye-rolling tedium of staff meetings, and the sad lack of cheez doodles in the vending machine.  So I’ve finally decided to make a list of things I want to complete within the next five years.  Hopefully, these goals will give my retirement some substance, some sense of meaning.  (Hurmm, I wonder what it means to watch 120 episodes of FRASIER in 2 months. Eck.)

1.     My most important goal is to pay down my credit card debt.  Last year, Feb. 2012, my debt was around $65,000.  Yes, folks, $65,679, to be exact. This is what happens when you have 8 credit cards and a taste for antique Spanish Colonial sculpture, high-end fabrics, expensive decorating books, and a PRIME account with AMAZON.  So what if I look like a Beyonce of Fleece – I had an 18^th century Portugese Madonna!  Eventually, I decided this was unsustainable, and as of today, Feb. 7, 2013, my debt has been reduced to $53,000.  Hopefully, within four years, my credit card debt will be wiped out to near-nothingness!

2.     Save $6000 for a month in London and $4000 for 2 weeks in Rome.  It would be so easy to just put this on my paid-up credit cards ($15,000 credit available!) but I’m not going to do that. I’m going to see if I can squeeze $50 a week into my Savings Bell Jar.  (It’s so nice to stare at a glass jar full of beautiful, slightly crumpled cash.)

3.     Start a little zine of my own.  I’ve always been fascinated by these eccentric little self-publications, so I’m going to see if I can make one too.

4.     Lose 30 pounds.   I’m on my way!  I’ve lost 6 pounds already since retirement, and I’m not even sure how it happened.  It was probably the weeding.

5.     Create a lovely cottage garden!   So far, my garden looks nothing like Hidcote or Barnsdale, or any of those hateful flowery things on YouTube, but I’ll be patient.

6.  Read 25 books every year.  I can probably do better than this, but not if I keep re-reading SHOGUN or my worn-out copy of THE MAMMOTH BOOK OF GHOST STORIES.

7.  Start a used bookstore/curio shop with my sister.  I don't know if this will ever happen, but I think it's a lovely dream.

                                    That Portugese Madonna

Ann with an E

I'm not overly fond of the movie LES MIZ (seriously, the poor French never seem to take baths during revolutions!) but I think this parody of dirt-smeared Anne Hathaway singing out for an Oscar is hilarious!  Enjoy!

                           

My Dog Is Not Sick

Usually, when I read about dogs on blogs, the wretched animal is already ill, has lost his appetite, or on his last weepy trip to the vet.  So I would like to introduce to you: my 6 year old Maltese Tiger who is not sick (knock on wood!), eats like a pig, and weighs a hefty 10 lbs., which is about 4 lbs. more than what an average Maltese should weigh.  He also barks at anything that moves on the street; he hates cats; and he will try to bite my feet if I dare leave him behind.  (I guess he knows that if his owner has no feet, she can't go away.)  And since he is a Maltese, he is also quite the needy little bugger who howls like a banshee when he is all by his lonesome. Tsk tsk tsk.

                                             "Go ahead & leave me .. I dare ya .."   

Computer update 3:  My sister said I would only have to pay her $1400 instead of $2000 for the new computer because she feels sorry for me.  Huzzahh!  I must say that it certainly didn't hurt to wave that measly pension check in front of her at the breakfast table.

My .. Err, Winter Garden

Thank God for a sustained week of warm weather.  After shivering in my thick wooly socks and harlequin-bright fleece pants since mid-December, I have finally ventured into the garden to survey the lay of the land.  The freesia and ranunculus bulbs I planted in late October have sprouted healthy clumps of leaves (some of the blade-like freesia foliage measure nearly a foot & a half), but so far, I see nary a flower bud.  Because this is California, a few of the roses are still in flower including an ever-blooming Lady of Guadalupe and a 4 year old Rhonda which I am training to grow around an arch. Three weeks ago, I decided to do some serious seed-sowing -- that is, I opened a 6 gram bag of *Carousel* zinnias (good until 2014!), and freely tossed the contents into the rain-softened ground.  Some sprouted, but more were eaten by birds, who were already having a grand old time eating the kibble I set out for the neighborhood's feral cats.  I also planted cherry rose nasturtiums and the sweet pea *America* -- mainly, because the seeds are large & manageable and easily planted with a chopstick.  Just poke a hole with the pointy tip, drop the seed, then cover.  I hope something shows up by February.  

Did I mention that I also found some nice flowering rose-orange coloured snapdragon in Home Depot for $1.99 for 6 plants?  Huzzah! I love Cheap!  I bought 36 plants (should have bought more) and planted them amongst some ugly, newly pruned shrubs, where they attract so much attention that passing toddlers pull them out of the ground to give to their mothers.  Damn it, you kidlets!  Drive to Home Depot and get your own crummy snapdragon!

                         
                                                                 In my dreams ...

Le Flu

Cold.  Shivering. Turban round my head. Didn't get a flu shot!  We have no heat because the ancient furnace broke down 4 years ago, and since the house was built in the 1920s, replacement would be ridiculously expensive. Plus Brian Williams is beginning to scare me!  (Can't he shut up about how *deadly* flu can be for even one broadcast?)  And I certainly don't understand how all those movie stars showed up at the Golden Globes with their icy pale publicity-seeking chests exposed to the cold cold air.  

Speaking of publicity, I can hardly wait for the Lance Armstrong *Mea Culpa* on Oprah.  How culpa will he be?  Not a lot, I reckon.  

Windows 8 ... Nooooo!

Well well well ... its 2013 and I have WINDOWS 8 on my computer!  Oh nooo!  [Tipsy starts to hyperventilate.]  Yes, I have an expensive new desktop alright, but it also has the shockingly different Windows 8 interface with its *living tiles* and no way to exit a page!  Ughhhhh!  Where's my big old *E* button that was perfect for these senior eyes?  What happened to my oh-so-convenient list of bookmarks that was always there on the left side of my screen?  How come the computer clock keeps going back to Central Time?  Does Microsoft want me to move to Arkansas?  So tonight, I am waiting for my new book WINDOWS 8 FOR DUMMIES which I just ordered from Amazon.  Unfortunately, there will be a week's delay because of the many dummies out there who also got a new computer for 2013.  Gahhhh!

Meanwhile, I have started reading my Christmas book stash again, starting with the vampire thriller RED, WHITE AND BLOOD by Chris Farnsworth.  I don't read vampire things usually (however, I will tolerate well-written zombies), but this book features a handsome 140 year old bloodsucker who serves the President of the United States!  We should all be so lucky. Yarrrr.